If I’ve learned anything so far at Michigan State, it’s
how to spot a fuck boy. I’m basically Dora The Explorer when it comes to
spotting those who belong to this subset of the male gender. This skill is
CRUCIAL in college because statistics state that 1 in 5 males on MSU’s campus
fit the criteria for a Fuckboy. (I also made that shit up but that is beside
the point) Here are some fool-proof ways to strengthen your fuckboy detector so
you can enjoy college without the fear of being trapped by a wild fuckboy.
1.
“Wanna play 20
questions? ;)”
CAUTION:
if any guy says this to you, drop that boy FAST. This is the ever-popular
mating call of the fuckboys of the world. If he is able to fool you into
playing this little game, you will quickly learn; it goes from favorite color
to your opinion on BDSM real quick.
2.
Devout follower
of the meninist Twitter page
If
he truly believes that meninism is a valid movement and identifies as such, I
really don’t have much to say except GET TF AWAY FROM THAT LIL SHIT.
3.
At a party, he
keeps getting you drinks.
If his
intention is clearly to get you drunk, he is BAD NEWS (and also 100% a
fuckboy). An effective defense against this breed of fuckboy is to dump Bud
Light on him and he will most likely melt like the lil bitch he is.
4.
You met him on
Tinder.
Don’t get me
wrong, there are some genuinely nice boys on Tinder, but finding them is the
equivalent of finding a needle in a haystack. So swipe your heart away, but
with caution. If they message you something along the lines of “Damn, I didn’t
know there were angels on Tinder”, once your eyes are done rolling to Saturn
and back, left swipe the fuckboy.
5.
He only texts you
late at night
Pretty sure
I don’t need to elaborate much on this one. He’s obviously just a horny little
boy who needs some late night company.
6.
He only ever
wants to “Netflix and Chill”
Unfortunately,
I learned this the hard way. I met this kid and we were talking about how we
both love American Horror Story, so I invited him over to watch it with my
suitemate and me that night. He took this as ‘Netflix and Chill’, when I really
just wanted to WATCH AHS AND CHILL. He then proceeded to get super drunk, try
to hook up with me, and then didn’t talk to me again.
7.
He slut shames
So let me get
this straight. You expect girls to hook up with you the moment you meet, but
then you shame them for being sexually promiscuous. I mean I’m no math expert
but I’m pretty sure that equals a FUCKBOY.
(Also
applicable to guys who refer to women as “bitches,” “hoes,” “sluts,” etc.)
8.
He begs for nudes
Fuckboys are
nude-ivores. In order to stay alive, they do whatever it takes to get ‘the
nudes’. They also assume everyone else is the same way. There is a common misconception among
fuckboys that women enjoy and benefit from dick pics. A little tip for you
boys, NOT ALL GIRLS LIKE THAT SHIT. Dicks aren’t cute. They are creepy and
weird looking.
9.
He claims he’s
“not like other guys”
Hint: he most
likely is.
10.
He hits on girls at the gym
Enough said
How
do you spot a fuckboy? Let me know by commenting or tweeting me at @allieetzin!
xoxo,
Allie
No comments:
Post a Comment