The Real Problem with The Real O'Neils

A few weeks ago while watching Grey’s Anatomy, a preview came on for a new ABC sitcom called The Real O’Neils. At first, nothing about the trailer really caught my attention. It just seemed like another corny series that will probably be cancelled within one or two seasons. One line, however, really hit a nerve with me, and that line was an eating disorder joke. After doing research on this show, it seems that a major punch line in the plot of this program is surrounding eating disorders, and more specifically, male anorexia.

           

            Not only is this a completely distasteful and unfunny joke, but also it’s incredibly harmful for many reasons. Eating disorders are not a joke. Nothing is funny about kidney failure, feeding tubes, and crippling depression. As someone who spent three months in the hospital because of anorexia, I can tell you first hand it is nowhere near comedic.

            Another reason this is incredibly problematic is males who suffer from eating disorders are stigmatized even more so than women who do. Eating disorders are viewed as a ‘white girl problem’, which causes men and People of Color to be more hesitant to come forward and seek out treatment. Making male eating disorders into a punch line is only furthering this issue.

In the trailer, the way the character’s anorexia is portrayed is wildly inaccurate. Granted, I haven’t watched a full episode, but the character was smiling while eating pancakes and enthusiastically stating how much he has eaten. This is in NO WAY how anorexia works. Individuals who suffer from eating disorders are often unable to eat a meal without crying because of the extreme guilt. Obviously all cases are different but portraying eating disorders this way trivializes the life threatening illnesses that affect so many.

            So my message to ABC is this: cancel this program or eliminate this plot line. I’m sure a punch line about leukemia or Down syndrome would never fly, so this shouldn’t either. And to those who agree with me, reach out to ABC. Don’t let them get away with this. Mental illness is both underrepresented and misrepresented and we can’t let this continue.

People You Can't Trust

People You Shouldn’t Trust

1.   People who say high school is better than college

College is 10 million times better than high school and anyone who disagrees is wrong.

2.   People who drink a glass of milk with dinner

I’m not even gonna get into the whole vegan side of the argument. It’s just weird.

3.   Monsters who eat their Kit Kats like this:

4.   Weirdos who drizzle their ketchup over the fries

instead of dipping 

5.   People who don’t like chocolate

I just honestly don’t understand people like this can somebody please explain it to me.

6.   Girls who say they prefer to hang out with guys because there is “less drama”

Have you ever read a history book?

7.   White boys

They just can’t be trusted.

8.   Bad tippers

If you can’t afford to tip, DON’T GO OUT TO EAT.

9.   Non-dog people

Dogs are the best part of life and I refuse to believe otherwise.

10.                 People who are ALWAYS happy

They’re up to something. I know it.

11.                 Constant flakes

Ok yeah shit comes up but not EVERY DAMN

DAY.

12.                 Gossipers

If they gossip to you, they gossip about you.

13.                 People who chew fruit flavored gum

It’s just weird.

14.                 Donald Trump supporters

No explanation needed

15.                 People who think new born babies are cute

THEY LOOK LIKE ALIENS OKAY.

LGBTQ+ Terminology

 

LGBTQ+ = Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Queer + other identities

More and more people are becoming aware of just how many terms there are in the LGBTQ+ community. It’s important to not only recognize these terms, but also to be aware of as many as possible to avoid possibly offending someone or just looking ignorant. I compiled a easy to follow list of a lot of terms used when referring to someone in the LGBTQ+ community. Please keep in mind I am a straight, cisgender woman who knows all of this not from personal experience, but from research and asking questions. 

 Ally: 

Someone who is not in the LGBTQ+ community but still supports and celebrates queer identities, interrupts and challenges the asshole queer-phobic remarks and actions of others, and willingly explores these biases within themselves.

Aromantic:                                                                                                                               A person who experiences little to no romantic attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in forming romantic relationships (they may still enjoy sex tho!)

Asexual:                                                                                                                              One who has a lack of (or low level of) sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest or desire for sex or sexual partners.                                                                              ***Asexuality exists on a spectrum!!!

Bigender:                                                                                                                                 A person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behavior and identities, identifying with multiple genders (and sometimes a third gender)

Biological Sex:

Refers to the biological characteristics chosen to assign humans as male, female or intersex

Bisexual:

An individual who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to women and men

Cisgender:

When your biological sex matches the gender you identify with (opposite of transgender).

Demisexual:                                                                                                                               An individual who does not experience sexual attraction with someone unless they have formed a strong emotional connection with them. 

FtM / F2M; MtF / M2F:                                                                                             Abbreviation for female-to-male/ male-to-female transgender or transsexual person.

Gay:

A person who is mostly attracted to those of the same gender

Therefore if someone is transgender (FtM for example) and is attracted to men, they are gay.

Gender Binary:                                                                                                                     The (bullshit) idea that there are only two genders (man and woman)

Gender Expression:                                                                                                             The external display of one’s gender (dressing masculine, talking in a feminine way etc)

Gender Fluid:                                                                                                                           A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, and may feel more masculine some days, and more feminine other days.

Gender Identity:

One’s internal and psychological sense of oneself as male, female, both, in between, or neither

Gender Non-Conforming:

This term refers to people who do not conform to society’s expectations for their gender roles or gender expression.

Gender Normative / Gender Straight:                                                                       Someone whose gender presentation aligns with society’s gender-based expectations ('girly girls' or a 'man's man')

Genderqueer:

A term under the trans umbrella which refers to people who identify outside of the male-female binary. 

Heteronormativity:                                                                                                                  The assumption that everyone is heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Often relates to a level of gender normativity and gender roles (men=masculine, women=feminine)

Intersex:

Intersex people may have: external genitalia which do not closely resemble typical male or female genitalia, or which have the appearance of both male and female genitalia; the genitalia of one sex and the secondary sex characteristics of another sex; or a chromosomal make-up that is neither XX or XY but may be a combination of both.

Metrosexual:                                                                                                                            A man who spends more time, energy, or money on his appearance/grooming than is considered gender normative.

Mx: (typically pronounced mix):                                                                                           A title (e.g. Mr., Ms., etc.) that is gender neutral.  This is often the option chosen by people who do not identify within the cisgender binary.  

Pangender:

Refers to people who identify and/or express the many shades of gender.

Pansexual:                                                                                                                        Someone who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions

Polyamory/Polyamorous:                                                                                               Refers to the practice of, desire to, or orientation towards having ethically, honest, consensually relationships that may include multiple partners. 

Queer:

Can be used to refer to the range of non-heterosexual and non-cisgender people and provides a convenient shorthand for ‘LGBT’

Sex Reassignment Surgery / SRS:                                                                                        A term used by some medical professionals to refer to a group of surgeries that alter a person’s biological sex. 

Skoliosexual:                                                                                                              Someone who is attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions (people who don’t identify as cisgender)

Transgender:

When one’s gender identity does not match their sex assigned at birth

Transsexual:

A person whose sexual identity has moved from male to female or female to male

Ze / Hir:                                                                                                                         Alternate pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some non-binary people. Pronounced “zee” and “here” they replace “he” and “she” and “his” and “hers” respectively. 

Please let me know if I missed anything! How many of these did you know? I would love to hear your feedback.

xoxo,

Allie 

  

allieetzin@gmail.com

@allieetzin on Twitter and Instagram

A White Girl Who Cares About Racism: I Refuse To Be Silent

 My name is Allie and I’m white. I’ve never experienced racism or xenophobia.  I’ve never been targeted by the police, followed around in clothing stores or been looked down upon because of my religious affiliation.  So why should I be so hell-bent on diminishing these issues? They don’t directly affect me. Donald Trump isn’t threatening to kick me out of the country. I don’t have to worry about police brutality. My name is Allie and I’m white. But I’m also an ally. I acknowledge my privilege and I know it’s nothing to feel guilty about. I know passive racism is just as damaging as active racism and to do nothing is to side with the aggressors. My name is Allie and I’m white. And I know it is not enough to “have a Black friend” or “have a Muslim friend”. It’s not enough to say racism is bad and that’s it, I’ve done my part. I know I will never feel what it is like to constantly be thought of as a ‘token’ and expected to be okay with friends calling me a racial slur because it’s “not meant to be offensive”. I will never know what it is like to be stared at for wearing a hijab or speaking with an accent. But I also refuse to ever know what it is like to be complacent. I refuse to let bigots like Donald Trump and other racists win when diversity is what makes our country so amazing. My name is Allie and I’m white, but I refuse to be silent.

Spring Break Body Bullshit

 

January to March may be my least favorite part of the year. Freezing temperatures aside, the first few months of the year are almost always dedicated to getting a ‘Spring Break Bod’. We see it everywhere; commercials for Weight Watchers, YouTube videos, magazines. “Achieve your spring break body!” “Get bikini ready!” “Stick to your New Year’s Resolutions!” It’s almost as if these three months are devoted to making women hate their bodies more than they already do.  Gyms get busier, Weight Watchers meetings become more crowded, and diet pill companies thrive. Liquid diets, juice cleanses, and calorie counting becomes more popular all because of a society that teaches us we need to look a certain way in order to earn a spot at the beach.

I want to cry for men and women who lack self-love and self-appreciation because they grow up hearing nothing but these toxic messages. Individuals don’t flourish off of self-hate, starvation and diet fads, but instead from self-care, patience, and positivity. I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t have what most consider a ‘bikini body’. But why should that stop me from being comfortable and confident at the beach?  I love my body. It does pretty awesome things. Yeah my thighs are huge and my stomach isn’t flat but boo fucking hoo is that really the end of the world? I have way more important shit to do than worry about my jean size or if I’ll look good in a bikini.   

I challenge you all to go to your clothing store of choice and buy a bikini. Or a tankini or swim-trunks idgaf I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. Target is the shit for swimwear in case you didn’t know. Buy a swimsuit that you love; one that you will feel hot as hell in and then rock that shit the next time you go to the beach (which will be no time soon in Michigan bc it’s freezing as FUCK). My point is, do whatever the hell makes you happy and screw everything else.

Three Years

The past three years of my life have been filled with pain, tears, confusion, hatred, hope, love, and happiness. A little over three years ago was when I began heavily restricting; not letting anything past my lips without measuring, counting and tracking. I became obsessed with exercise; going to the gym every morning at 4:30, in addition to three hours of practice every afternoon. I was not able to focus on school, or even hold a conversation. I became socially withdrawn, and slept all of the time, because I didn’t find joy in being awake.

 

In only three months time, I lost a third of my body weight, along with my personality, friendships, and love for life. On February 15th 2013, I was rushed to the emergency room, and I was diagnosed with severe anorexia nervosa and acute depression. My heart rate was dangerously low, and the doctors were afraid that my kidneys might have been failing. After months of trial and error, I was taken out of school, and admitted into the University of Michigan C.S Mott Children’s Hospital, where I received partial inpatient care for three months.

 

After almost three years of hard work, I can finally smile again. Yes, I gained weight, but I also gained back my glowing skin, my strong hair, and the twinkle in my eyes. I can eat dessert and ignore the voice in my head telling me that I don’t deserve it. I can enjoy cake on my birthday, or an unplanned dinner out with friends. I can sit by the fireplace with my family, sipping hot chocolate, laughing and feeling free. I can eat a dinner prepared by my mom without tears, fights, and slammed doors. I can go a few days without the gym because I know my shape does not define me. I wake up in the morning ready to take on the day. I don’t wake up crying, but instead, I wake up looking forward to the bright sky, and endless possibilities.

I am in no way fully recovered, and I still have tough days, requiring a large amount of strength. But I know that I can handle it because I am strong, and I am a survivor.

Girl Love

            There are very few things I hate more than when girls are mean to each other. As women in a patriarchal society, we already have the short end of the stick. Because of this, WE HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER! I used to be one of those girls who prided herself in hating girls. I always used to talk about how annoying girls are and how I prefer to have guy friends because it’s “less drama” (clearly I never read a history book). I cringe just thinking about that time in my life. As Caity Mae so brilliantly stated in her article, 'We Need To Stop All This Girl-On-Girl Hate’, “There are too many rapists and serial killers and creepy ex-boyfriends out there for us to treat each other this way!”.
        

 Women, whether trans or cisgender, are beautiful, wonderful creatures who don’t get enough credit for how beautiful and wonderful they are. From middle school on, women are taught to display internalized misogyny by using phrases like the ones I used to use. I want to cry whenever I hear a girl refer to another girl as a slut, whore, bitch etc. By saying these things about other women, we are letting the misogynists win! They want us to hate each other. When we slut shame each other, men are able to easily justify the derogatory comments they make toward us.

 

It doesn’t matter if a woman wears more makeup than you, fewer clothes than you, or has more sexual partners than you; LET THEM LIVE THEIR LIFE! It’s very easy to bring out the worst in each-other, but it’s much more productive to treat each-other with love and kindness. Build other women up, don’t tear themdown. I challenge you to compliment at least one girl you see today. I don’t care if it is about her outfit or her shining personality, everyone loves a good compliment. Let’s work together to end girl-on-girl hate in 2016.